How Do you Handle Getting Burned By People?

How do you handle getting burned?

It is an unfortunate reality that the longer you are in business the greater chance you have of being burned by someone.  You were either lied to, cheated on, or stolen from; maybe you hit the trifecta! Not only is there a business consequence, but there is also a personal one that makes handling these types of situations complicated. You may experience a myriad of feelings and loss of a relationship, you may ask yourself searching internal questions about what you could have done differently? These are all normal responses, but it does force the question of how should we best handle these moments?

Firstly, I should say that I have experience in being burned by people. I have handled some of them well and some of them poorly but the biggest takeaway I have is that it is not so much about what happened but how I let it affect me. To take the sting out of the situation, I must choose to operate in the opposite spirit. This begins with an active, intentional decision to forgive. Jesus is the best example of this. While on the cross after being wrongly accused, He found a way to forgive those who had betrayed Him acknowledging that they didn’t know what they were doing. Most people don’t know what they are doing when they burn you, and if they do, then they must be handling lots of hurts.

The ability to compartmentalize also will limit the access the betrayal has to the rest of your life. When we get burned it can have the power to infiltrate every area of our lives, stealing our sleep, hijacking our mood when we are spending time with family or friends. I sometimes visualize it as putting the situation in a drawer and closing it’s access to the rest of my life.

The Mindset to Recover and Thrive

Often the most important place for me to handle getting burned is in my mind. I can tend to play the situation over and over in my head. There is a temptation to want revenge, recruit support for your side or console yourself with pity. Re-writing the internal script is crucial. The best way to do this is with scripture.  Verses like this:

Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.

Matthew 5:7 NIV

Scripture like this allow me to direct my energies to handling things God’s way. I will also pray these scriptures and pray for the person that burned me. Prayer will not only change my mind towards a person but also my heart towards them.

I have been challenged and inspired by the words of Mother Teresa which are rooted in God’s way of doing things. I have this poem on the wall of my office and will read it out loud to myself when I feel like I have got burned. If you are experiencing something similar, I want to encourage you to try it too.

Do It Anyway

People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self-centered; forgive them anyway.

If you do good, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives; do good anyway.

If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway.

Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable; be honest and frank anyway.

What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, there may be jealousy; be happy anyway.

The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow; do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you’ve got anyway.

You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway.